Owning my Path

And if I

Asked you

To name

All of the

Things that you love,

How long

Would it

Take to

Name

Yourself?

                         ~ via TS

Sometimes you make a long journey for a specific reason only to find that your curiosity was leading you towards a mirage.

The wonderful thing is that you can always take the return flight home; you can always turn the steering wheel back, to your own road.

*

One of the most striking properties of survival-machine behaviour is its apparent purposiveness. By this I do not just mean that it seems to be well calculated to help the animal's genes to survive, although of course it is. I am talking about a closer analogy to human purposeful behaviour. These may include 'desire' for some object, a 'mental picture' of the desired object, an 'aim' or 'end in view'. Each one of us knows, from the evidence of our own introspection that, at least in one modern survival machine this purposiveness has evolved the property we call 'consciousness'.

 

The fundamental principle involved is called negative feedback, of which there are various different forms. In general what happens is this. The 'purpose machine', the machine or thing that behaves as if it had a conscious purpose, is equipped with some kind of measuring device which measures the discrepancy between the current state of things, and the 'desired' state. It is built in such a way that the larger this discrepancy is, the harder the machine works. In this way the machine will automatically tend to reduce the discrepancy - this is why it is called negative feedback - and it may actually come to rest if the 'desired' state is reached.

~ Richard Dawkins THE SELFISH GENE

 

Class

 

One of the many things I've learned during this pandemic is how to make an InDesign cover.

The illustration I've used is one from my book of course, but I thought it would work very well for what I am reading at the moment - My Body and Other Stories. I had read the first story called The Husband Stitch in Granta before I bought the book and it was intense. A key element in that story is the green ribbon. Rather than drawing the green ribbon and incorporating it into the illustration, I've chosen instead to use the element  in the design by using a cursive font and the colour green. I was told that people buy a book, sometimes even a second time only for the cover. Would you pick up this book and buy it if it had this cover?

 The other thing I learnt to do in InDesign is to draw this egg below for an unpublished book with an imaginary title. It was one of the first things I did and I enjoyed making it.

 

The InDesign classes conducted by @sukrutianah are during weekends on Zoom. Each class is one saturated hour. I realized much to my bemusement that the screens of my fellow classmates suddenly going blank is absolutely normal and they are still listening. I once made a comment about the Harry Potter movie being better than the book and the blank screen of one of my classmates expressed outrage.  We are from Delhi, Mumbai, Kolkata and Bangalore respectively and the experience is  great. Thanks to this course I actually opened InDesign on my computer and started using it.

The Newspaper Thing

The Hindu Metrolife 

So the inevitable happened and my book and I got featured in the newspaper.  The deputy editor, Deepa Alexander spoke to me over the phone:

Priya, first tell me what is your age?

I am 50, Deepa

That's all! My, that's really young! I thought you would be in your 20s or 30s!

Naaa, not that old Deepa!

 

Considering the entire article was written based on a phone conversation, it has turned out nicely enough with the essence of what I said appearing in print. There are some small stuff ups here and there but that is normal and probably more due to an editor's scissors rather than the way it was written. It is interesting that the epaper has one format for laptops where the illos are chopped up and a different one for phones where the illustrations of the book are shown in full.

 

Since I am making this post on my blog I might as well put in writing what I told the editor in some detail about the book. This blog is turning into my personal journal and I find I make these posts  to clarify the thoughts in my mind. So here they are below:

 I had wanted to do a picture book for a very long time and over the years I kept searching for a story, one which I hoped would interest me enough to spend time on and something which was suitable for my intense and moody style. Then when the Goethe Institut, Kolkata workshop on children's books presented itself to me I was more than happy to attend. The theme of the workshop was Children Understand More which I assumed meant giving children stories with substance and food for thought.

During the course of the workshop I was given a story written by (playwright and actor) Neha Singh. The story was a brief and simple one. It was suggested at the workshop that she expand on that story and make it more wordy but in retrospect I am so glad it was given to me at this raw stage completely devoid of description with only the lone voice of the young girl running through the spartan text. This allowed me to fully unleash my imagination rather than have it constrained by a descriptive text.

 

Once the writer writes the story and hands it over to the illustrator the writer has to metaphorically wash her hands off the story and trust the illustrator. This is a system that is followed for the best picture books. If the book is a movie then the author is the scriptwriter and the illustrator is the actor who breathes life, emotion and substance into the story thereby making it into what it is. The writer cannot tell the illustrator what she would like the story to look like. That would be a useless thing to do since the illustrator cannot look into the writer's mind or draw in a way the writer expects. Neither can the writer ask the illustrator questions like, "what is your vision for the story" as I was once asked by another writer. The illustrator cannot describe her vision in words to the writer since the vision emerges during the process of illustrating where the images and text lead the illustrator onward in the path created by the story. The illustrator can give the story meaning in a way only she knows how and based on her own experiences, style and expertise. Whatever she chooses to do the writer has to accept since any interference especially by someone who cannot draw let alone illustrate will only cause the construction of the story to crumble. That is why Picture Books are called Picture books, because it is the pictures that primarily tell the story with the function of the words only to give direction.I feel the need to mention this because although it did not happen in this case, a lot of writers  feel the necessity to tell the illustrator how they expect the book to be illustrated.

When I was given this story by the writer, I was told that it is the story of a young girl growing up in a conflict ridden zone and it was Kashmir in this case. However since no where in the story was Kashmir mentioned, I found that it gave this story an inadvertent universality in the sense that this story could be happening anywhere in the world, Afghanistan, Palestine, Syria or Iraq. Also since war is never mentioned and the presence of conflict in the story is an undercurrent, the conflict could even be happening within the home and among parents because conflict, whether within or outside the home has certain common elements - the absent father, the preoccupied mother, the lack of food, the longing for love, the loneliness of the neglected girl child on the cusp of womanhood...look at any conflict ridden situation involving home and family and you will find these elements present.

I recall the author telling me that she wanted the protagonist in the story to be a "strong woman". I remember thinking about this. What does it mean to be strong?  Does this girl go through her life kicking a*se, taking charge and bringing about change? Most of the time young children within an unstable environment are terrified and lost. They go through their lives and endure whatever they do simply because they have no option. I would prefer the word "resilient" used to describe this protagonist, rather than strong. 

For me growing up in the South, I hardly know anything about Kashmir except for pretty pictures and newspaper photographs which is hardly a way to acquaint myself with that distant land, so in order to be able to relate to what this girl in the book was going through, I chose the perspective of conflict when it takes place within the home and evoke the sense of isolation and abandonment a young child feels within such a situation. The book became a cathartic experience for me.

 

I find that in most countries in the world, the feelings of young girls are usually completely negated. A girl is never asked "How do you feel?" or have her feelings taken into consideration. Choices are usually made for her on her behalf. These girls then grow up into women completely unaware that they matter and that their feelings are valid. They are incapable of making decisions that benefit themselves as a result. I've tried to make my pictures  in such a way that they evoke feelings in the reader  in order to make them empathize with the complex emotions this protagonist  in the story is going through.

 

For the ending of the story, the writer has chosen to show the girl caring for her tired mother, an inevitability for a girl in the circumstances. However since it is the illustrator's story as much as the writer's, I could not help wishing for a different ending for this young girl, a way out of life in the midst of conflict. In one of the pages it is mentioned that the girl once played football with her friends. I decided to use that as  an outlet for the child in a subsequent page - when the girl goes into her brother's room, I depicted her reaching out for a football, a suggestion that the sport may eventually get her out of her situation and into something better.

 

The publisher: I happened to drop into the beautiful offices of Seagull Books and meet Sunandini during my visit to Kolkata after the Goethe workshop at Shantiniketan. I told her about this story I had been given and I recall her saying, "Priya, anything you illustrate we will publish". I thought Sunandini was being polite to me and that she didn't really mean it, so when I sent her the initial illustrations and when she readily accepted to publish them as a book and that too with so much enthusiasm, it came as a shock to me and it took me a couple of days to get over my disbelief.  If even the most beautiful illustrations are not  partnered with professional design and good quality printing then it would be useless. But Seagull Books are what they promised to be and when you see the end result you know why they are so respected. The process of working with them was seamless and professional. They did not interfere with my work at all and gave me complete freedom to do as I wished, something I am very thankful for. Everything worked out so well with regard to this, my first picture book where I used all the skills and knowledge I had acquired over time into making these pictures, so it was serendipity in action. I have much to be grateful for in every possible way.

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#priyasebastian #kashmir #conflictzone #picturebook #seagullbooks