Monday, April 26, 2010

The Cupcake Award


So The Plum Tree Volume-2 has gotten its first award. Thank you Chetana.
I would like to leave it at that, but the award says that I should say THREE things I like about myself. I dread this. Who wants to know strange little likey likey details about me anyway? What does it matter to the rest of the world that I like the fact that I get up at 3 am every morning and eat exactly 62 salted peanuts? I hate divulging private details. Reminds me a bit of the lurid testimony services that used to take place on Sunday evenings in the church I used to go to and into which I stumbled into one Sunday long ago, to shelter from the rain. Horrified paralysis kept me from running down the aisle and out of church screaming while one by one, those who wanted to give a testimony crawled forth and told and made their private agonies public: rebellious children, nasty spouses, abortions, suicides, mental distresses, low grades, strange diseases… and how they prayed and God just swooped down like Superman and set everything right.
One of the women, I’ll call her Usha, spoke about how she was diagnosed with Breast Cancer and how she ‘just fasted and prayed’ and was miraculously cured. Her dramatic and tearful testimony was perhaps the most convincing of all. Afterwards the rest of the congregation milled around her and hugged and kissed her while I scooted home.
Subsequently, I mentioned this to a well known doctor also from that church and asked him, ‘so was what she said true?’
He said, ‘you are daft if you believe that! Usha’s cancer was diagnosed at a very early stage and she took all the medication and chemotherapy required to cure it.’
‘Then why did Usha say what she did?’ I asked indignantly, ‘and so movingly and poignantly too!’
The Doc looked me directly in the eye, ‘she did it for attention’, he said, ‘just like every one of those who stood up and spoke in the testimony service that evening. If their problems have been solved, it is a pity they don’t give themselves enough credit for their efforts to solve it. But then of course, there is always more attention to be received if the name of God is articulated’.


Anyway, having said what I wanted to say, I must now add that saying 3 teeny weeny little titbits about why I like myself is hardly the same as falling on my knees and beating my breast while delivering a tearful testimony in church. So let me indulge you:
1) Yes, as I already mentioned, I eat 62 salted peanuts at 3am every morning.
2) Every full moon night, at the stroke of the midnight hour, when the world is asleep, I prowl the neighbourhood while occasionally letting out a yowl.
3) All my work, every single piece is done while balancing on my right leg only, which is how I get those powerful strokes with charcoal.
Yup, love all these things about myself.
There! Not quite as dramatic as Usha’s testimony, but if you believed any of those three things above, or in Usha’s testimony, well……

9 comments:

EMBELLISHER said...

You deserve a warm hug for the maladies you suffer from my dear, I've put in a reminder on my cell phone. I take my hugging seriously.

Rehhaan said...

you are too much!! I bet you dont wake up till after 7!!LOL...

perplexed said...

:) :)

adorable post this!

Karine said...

Congrats on the award, you charming creature.

Priya said...

EMBELLISHER: Oh please! Next time we meet I will be armored. I'll be wearing one of those cone shaped, pointy Madonna bras and carrying a frozen Hot Cross Bun. In all likelihood you'll forget your hugging and pounce on the Bun.

Owen said...

Oh you naughty fabricator... repent, repent, before it's too late... I'm sure you too have been cured of many various terrifying diseases by the invisible hand of a higher power... and if we believe that you also eat 62 salted peanuts every morning at 3h00, perhaps you have a bit of a bridge you'd like to sell us ? Perhaps some of the Mandovi Bridge which is lying on the bottom of the river ?
:-)

Meera Vasudev Srinivasan said...

ha ha ha! hilarious post! :-) the award as always is well deserved!

Abhipraya said...

ha ha ha 62 peanuts! You deserve the award for just that :)

Kamini said...

Been reading your blog for a while now for my daily funnies...but commenting for the first time! Keep up your irreverent Wodehousian humor...i love it!Don't the peanuts keep you awake though? Or is that protein surge that helps you balance on one leg and sketch? Which by the way I totally believe!!!! I mean hey...if an elephant can draw with its trunk......(which they found out later was actually a human hand in a fake trunk)...but oh well!Anyways....congrats on the award, well deserved!